THE PRO-BOWL SHUFFLE.
BRETT FAVRE (Will Arnett)
Well they call me Brett and I like to dance
Then I text you a picture of what’s in my pants
11 Pro Bowls cuz I love to win
Been with more pro teams than a Kardashian
If you hear me say, that I’m retired
that just means I’m currently for hire
I shop at sears and I’m on a roll
Shufflin’ on down to another Pro Bowl
TOM BRADY (Jimmy)
I’m the funky QB they call Tom Brady
if you saw me from the back, you’d think I was a lady
cuz my hair’s so long that it might deceive ya
Get it cut the same place as Justin Bieber
All-American with looks to boot
Every night I see Gisele in her birthday suit
Like Homer Simpson got a face full of stubble
So I look good doing the Pro Bowl shuffle
MICHAEL VICK (Bashir)
A-bow-wow-wow-yippee yo yippee yay
Itâ€™s your boy Mike Vick here to save the day
Had to go to jail cuz my homeboy snitched
Then learned a new meaning for the word *WHISTLE*
I could run it or throw it, to score a goal
I just wish they’d let me play in the Puppy Bowl
Stop barking bad about me or you’ll get the muzzle
Cuz I just wanna do the Pro Bowl shuffle
Uh huh…uh huh…uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.
TROY PALOMALU (Horatio)
(super high voice)
Well they call me Troy
and spelling my name is hard to do
If you really want, to be, just like me
Well use more shampoo than a sorority
I’ll hit you so hard, I’ll rock your world
My hair looks like a big-assed jerry curl
I do the Pro-Bowl shuffle with a flip
Then I whip my hair like Willow Smith
ELI MANNING (Miles)
Eli Manning in the house
the same place I’ll be watching the Super Bowl this year
You know my brother Peyton, I’m sure you do
I’ve been livin’ in his shadow since I was two
Playing for Giants is pretty neat
I love ‘em even more than Rex Ryan loves feet
I won the Super Bowl a few years ago
Now the Pro Bowl shuffle is all I know
Had to be posted, even though it is Christmas today.
Jimmy Fallon: Rosie O’Donnell testified this week in her legal battle against the publishers of Rosie Magazine. Witnesses so far have portrayed Rosie as difficult and controlling which raises the question: who is the real Rosie O’Donnell? The queen of nice talk show host, or the.. wait for it…… or the abusive tyrant. Now to make her case on national television, is Rosie O’Donnell, ladies and gentleman.
Horatio Sanz as Rosie: Thank you, Jimmy. You’re a cutie patootie!
Jimmy Fallon: Yeah, I guess so. Hey Rosie we keep hearing these terrible things about you, that you’re always screaming and yelling, [laughing] that’s not you right?
Horatio Sanz as Rosie: Jimmy, you know me. I’m loud, I talk loud, I sing loud. Hey. You wanna sing one of my songs together?
Jimmy Fallon: Sure.
Tina Fey: Wait, before you sing something, what about the accusations Rosie, that you told a woman with cancer that “That’s what happens to people who lie. They get cancer.”
Horatio Sanz as Rosie: [Suddenly angry] Do not interrupt me Tina Fey! Do you know what happens to people who interrupt, Tina? People who interrupt get the ebola virus!!
Tina Fey: They do?
Horatio Sanz as Rosie: Yes. And people who talk smart get shin splints! Now quit slutting it up around here and go and get me a box of Ring Dings, four eyes!
[Tina crosses her arms]
Jimmy Fallon: Hey Rosie, how’s your new musical going?
Horatio Sanz as Rosie: [Happy again] It’s fantastic, Jimmy Jimmy Gumdrops! I’m producing a new broadway musical called Taboo. And if you look under your chair you’ll find the cast CD of it!
Jimmy Fallon: Really!?
[Tina and Jimmy look under their chairs]
Jimmy Fallon: Yeah! Thanks Rosie, you’re the best!
Tina Fey: There’s nothing under my chair, Rosie.
Horatio Sanz as Rosie: [Angry again and hits Tina in the face] Shut your effing mouth, Tina Fey! What? You think I’m gonna be nice to you because we’re both lesbians?
Tina Fey: No, I’m just saying, I just thought, you know-
Horatio Sanz as Rosie: SHUT UP!!!! Where’s my cheesy breads?
Tina Fey: I didn’t know you wanted cheesy breads.
Horatio Sanz as Rosie: I always want cheesy breads!
Jimmy Fallon: Here, Rosie have some of my cheesy breads.
Horatio Sanz as Rosie: [Happy again] Thank you Jimmy! You’re a sweetie patootie doody doody. I’m gonna buy you a PT Cruiser.
Jimmy Fallon: Awesome, awesome! You’re my favourite!
Horatio Sanz as Rosie: Don’t go breaking my heart!
Jimmy Fallon: I couldn’t if I tried!
Tina Fey: No! Forget this! Rosie O’Donnell everyone!
Horatio Sanz as Rosie: AHHHHHHH [Tackles Tina]
Jimmy Fallon: That was Tina Fey, I’m Jimmy Fallon. Goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow.
SNL Weekend Update, Season 29, Episode 05